1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize