pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
