Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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