My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
