I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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