in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hippo gnu deer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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