he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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