can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
