Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
