So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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