I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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