I want to have your abortion
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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