Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
