I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
