peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
