Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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