Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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