I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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