There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
