Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
as a side note pls kill me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
