where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
