I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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