On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
