3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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