ya dads aren't the best wingmen
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
