everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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