careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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