she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
