I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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