Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
