Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
