well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
