just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
