Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
