the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
