You're my little dorito
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
