Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
