I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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