Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Be still, my beating vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
