You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
