I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
