Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My hand turned me down
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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