A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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