Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
