i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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