I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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