Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
