HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
