community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So much rum. So many feels.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
