Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
