Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
