he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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