I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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