Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize