i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
