dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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