Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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