Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
