My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
