We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
