so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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