I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
