hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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