i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
