Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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