I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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