Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
