At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
