i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
