I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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