I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
