i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
