Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
