mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
