I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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