Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
