The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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