I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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