why didn't you poke me back
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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