can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
