Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
