I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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