the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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