The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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