your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
