I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Welp...herpes.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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