u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize