what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
