a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
