There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
40s are totally the cure
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
