Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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