So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
