i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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