I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
