You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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