I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My life is pants optional.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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