my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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