I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
