All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
