Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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