Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
