I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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