you guys were way drunker than both of me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
