Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
