Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
