I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
