Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
