i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize