Screwed.edu
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize