his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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