I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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