Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Jerry, you need to find god
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize