it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
