tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just invented taco cereal.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
