Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
